successful, and the unsuccessful. And each of these categories has two sub
categories. The first and second categories are the knowing and unknowing.
First, the knowing are those repairs the owner knows all about, no surprises.
No hidden or unneeded parts added to the final bill, either. You know what
you’re gonna get, and that’s what it takes. Nothing more, nothing less.
Real predictable.
The second successful category is the unknowing successful. Your car breaks
without warning. You don’t know what it needs to fix it, and don’t care. You
just pay someone to make the problem go away. This category leaves the owner
uncertain if the repairs were actually needed, and he or she is not ever happy
about it. They don’t get involved in the repair enough to find out the root
cause of the breakdown in the first place.
Most people are this type of car owner. And because of this, most people
don’t have a good feeling about their car repairs. They never know what they
don’t know about the repair. And what’s worse, because they never know, they
don’t do anything to prevent it. If they did, most of their car problems would
never happen. These people are the ones who don’t believe in preventative
maintenance. They orchestrate their own car problems.
The third and forth categories are the knowing and unknowing unsuccessful.
Third, the knowing unsuccessful, is an easy one. These are the people who take
their car to be repaired and go away with the same problem, only their wallet
has been lightened in the process. They know they got screwed, but they don’t go
back anyway. They let their feet do the talking and bounce from shop to shop
until someone puts them out of their misery and fixes their car.
Forth, there’s the unknowing unsuccessful, the worst of all. That’s what this
Mechanic’s Nightmare is all about. These are the people who are screwed, and
never know it. Or, by the time they realize it, it’s too late to do anything
about it. This is the place where Mr. Rip U. Off works. This is the category
that gives the auto repair industry a black eye. This is the type of repair shop
reported on the 6 O-clock TV News sting operation advisory alert.
When the National Association of Attorneys General did a study to try and find
the root cause of why so many people get ripped off on their car repairs, the
results were not surprising. But they were disappointing to the scandal-seeking
news media. To their chagrin, it turned out that mechanics aren’t so dishonest
after all. In fact, the study didn’t find they were any more dishonest than any
other trade, such as doctors or lawyers. But here’s the big surprise. They found
that most of the time, greater than eight out of ten, the problem was a simple
communication breakdown.
But this isn’t the kind of fodder that makes it on the news. Ripoffs are something
everyone wants to hear about. Honesty doesn’t pull in TV audiences. So, the study
and its findings has sadly fallen on deaf ears. Or rather, it was a non-story. No
one ran it. People want to hear about unsuccessful repairs that happen to the
knowing. People want to commiserate with those who have suffered. They want to
wallow in their suffering, and seek out and consume their tales of woe.
In due course, and in keeping with that vein, I’m going to tell you stories,
too. These stories fit all four of the scenarios listed above. Both successful and
unsuccessful, knowing and unknowing.
To start with, let me say that my experience has born out the findings. I
personally know that auto mechanics are among the most honest and hardest-working
of all trades. My bros’ have gotten a bad rap, that’s for sure! Enough said, so let’s
get on with the story.
Lets begin by talking about noises. Noises are freaky. To some people a howl
is a moan. To some a moan is a creak. And so on. Some noises are even imaginary.
And some are made up. This first story falls in the category of successful for
the unknowing.
There was a service writer who was employed at a Mercedes dealership in a
major city where I worked. His name was Ralphie, and he liked to make up noises.
Especially ball joint noises. He’d take a customer’s car for a test drive and
come back claiming he heard the lower ball joint knocking. Kinda’ a Clunk
on Bumps noise. No matter how hard I tried, I never could hear it.
But let me tell you, that dude sold a whole bunch of lower ball joint
replacements! Man, he could really get rich folks by the ball joints! And little
did they care. They were unknowing. And their cars were important, so they would
just say, How long's it going to take? Or. When can I have my car back? They
didn’t give a hoot about the dollar amount. It was probably just a business
expense anyway. They’d have to use the Jaguar. What an inconvenience!
Ralphie wasn’t malicious or anything. In fact, he was a down-right nice guy.
He just wanted to fatten up his paycheck a bit when things were slow. The owner
didn’t know. He was from the unknowing group. The tech who did the replacement
didn’t know. He was just doing what he was told.
The whole process was seamless. No one was the wiser. That’s how it always is
with a successful repair and the unknowing owner. Kind of like a quiet bloodletting.
Then there’s the unsuccessful and knowing. The story goes like this: The guy
walks in to the local dealer with his car problem. The service writer greets him
as he drives up and begins to take down all the important information. Then he
gets around to asking the guy why he’s decided to pay a visit to this fine
establishment. And does he need a ride to work?
The guy says, "Yeah. You see, I’ve got this clunk-on-bumps problem. Sometimes,
when going over a bump, I hear this noise. Like a clunk or something. Maybe a knock.
Or is it tap? I dunno. But it’s freaky. And I don’t like it. Maybe you could check it
out, huh?"
The adviser, who’s already checked the odometer reading and knows the car is
no longer in warranty, figures this as a no-brainer. He thinks, Let’s see. Lots of
miles on the ticker. Don’t have to worry about the warranty. The most likely
suspect would be shocks! It’s gonna’ need a set of shocks.
He thinks this is a safe bet, and the owner will go for it because it’s not
a big ticket item. An easy sell. And maybe we can find more things once we get it
in the shop. So he writes on the repair order, Replace shocks. Then he tells the guy
he’s gonna’ need a set of shocks, and to sign right here. So the guy thinks this is
the right thing to do, and he signs his life away.
Then, he gets the car back, pays the bill, and is driving home. He hears the clunk
on the first bump he comes across, and he realizes he was taken. Well, not that it
was done intentionally. He was taken because of the problem that the Attorneys
General study talked about. The actual problem was communication. If the mechanic
was told to diagnose a problem with clunk on bumps, instead of being told to replace
the shocks, he might have had a fighting chance that his problem would have been
corrected. Instead, the guy’s car repair was unsuccessful, and he certainly knows
about it.
Communication problems just like this are primarily responsible for the bad
image of the mechanic. In reality, there was no ill will, malice, or evil intent.
The repair was unsuccessful because of the system, not because of any one individual.
Sure, the service advisor didn’t have to sell the man a set of shocks. Sure. But
shocks are a common cause for that type of complaint at that mileage. What you’d
call a sure bet. And of course, the owner could have insisted that the tech be paid
some diagnostic time to drive the car and witness the problem before beginning any
repairs. And finally, sure, the tech could have insisted on being paid some
diagnostic time in order to verify the problem. But none of that happened. Why?
Get real. This is the real world out here, and everyone is too busy. That’s why.
Okay, OK. Maybe the man did need shocks. But the problem was the mechanic didn’t
make the diagnosis. The wise-ass service advisor did. Not. Maybe if the mechanic
was given a chance to check it out before the service advisor went and messed
things up by suggesting shocks. But, then I can see the service advisor’s point
of view, too. He wants to get the guy to commit to a dollar amount for something.
Maybe it’s not going to be a set of shocks that fixes this car. Maybe it’s upper
shock mounts, or even a ball joint. Whatever.
So he’s just trying to usher the guy on his way out the door as fast as possible
so he can get on to the next customer who’s been standing there next to his car
and patiently waiting in the service aisle. He assumes that the mechanic will
know what’s causing the clunk and will report back to him. He assumes. Now we all
know about assume. Right?
The mechanic is already up to his ass with alligators nipping at him. His
IN box is over brimming with work. And then there are the jobs he didn’t get to
yesterday. Parts have come in for jobs he opened up last week which he’s getting
grief for not having finished. And to make his day complete, he’s already got a
ten-o’clock headache!
So, he cranks the work out as fast as he can, and by early afternoon starts
looking for some gravy work so he can slide. He’s been saving the RO with Replace
front shocks, the one that started out as a clunk on bump complaint. The tech
pulls his copy of the RO, which has by now already had the parts listed and tallied
on it. He walks over and picks up the shocks that await him at the parts counter.
Once he’s finished installing the shocks, using his fancy pneumatic on-the-car
installer tool, he parks the car and knocks off for the day. He’s feeling good
because he beat the flat rate by more than half! Easy money, a quick in and out.
Now I ask you, did that mechanic rip off the customer? Did the guy's car
really need those shocks? Should the tech check the car for the complaint? Should he
have questioned the service advisor? It may seem odd, but the answer to all four
questions is no. First, and I’m sure you knew this was coming, the car certainly
didn’t need shocks. Second, the tech isn’t paid to check a problem. Unless he’s
instructed to do so, he ain’t gonna. Why should he? He’s not in the habit of
giving away his time free. Right?
When you go and see a doctor, he doesn’t just hand out pills free without
charging for his diagnosis. He may even decide to run some additional lab tests
on you. Not only do you pay the doctor to look at you, but you pay some other
doctor to look at your lab tests and to make a diagnosis based on those tests.
And you wind up getting billed from the first doctor who examined you, from the
lab for the tests, and from the doctor who looked at the test results. Have you
heard people complain about rising health care costs?
So, bringing this all back home to the mechanic here in this story, he didn’t
get paid to check the car first. The car owner trusted the advice of the service
advisor, as in this case, replace the shocks. This was assumed to be his problem. It
had a high likelihood.
So, the answer is most certainly NO. The tech shouldn’t be made to give
away his hard-earned time to freely check the car first. Not unless he’s told to
do so, and given some diagnostic time. But in this case, that didn’t happen. He
was given an RO that simply told him to replace the shocks.
Then, should the tech question the service writer? Not. Why should he? It’s
not in his job description. He doesn’t have time. If he just minds his P’s and Q’s,
he’s free and clear of any flack that might come his way if the customer bitches.
After all, he wasn’t paid to check out the car in the first place and to see if it
needed shocks. Hell, he’s not psychic enough to read the customer’s mind and to
figure out why he asked for shocks in the first place.
One of my favorite rip-off stories concerns a shop owner whose shop is
located in the Nation’s Capital. This shop owner keeps a customer black list. No
kidding. He actually has a list with the names of people who’s cars are banned. And
if the customer happens to come back, he or she is told to vacate the premises
immediately or the police will be called.
You see, there’s this greedy shop owner who’s waging his own personal war
against the knowing. You’d better look out if you wind up having an unsuccessful
repair at this shop. When you show up at his door with a clunk on bumps, and the
shop owner or his staff sell you shocks, you’d better not complain when the
shocks don’t fix your problem! Because if you do, you’re history. Really!
If The Boss says you need shocks, you need shocks. And when the shocks
don’t fix the problem, Mr. Authority comes back at you again saying that you most
certainly needed them, and you also need ball joints and upper strut mount
bushings. You’d better not question his diagnosis. You’d better not argue. Just
curtsy and hand him your money. And just so long as you remain the unknowing,
you’re business is welcome.
Customers who bitch and complain about the cost of the repair had better
watch out! The boss man angers easily, and he’ll quickly tell you to take your
business somewhere else and to never come back. And your name gets put on his
black list. After all, there’s plenty more customers in the D.C metropolitan
area. And even better, many of the customers are transient and will never come
back anyway. Diplomats, attaches, and their staff. Lots of money and lots more
where they came from. Mr. High and Mighty’s shop doesn’t need a good reputation,
just lots of advertising, like full page ads in the Sunday paper.
Speaking of advertising, one foreign car repair shop in Tampa bought
full-page advertising in the phone book. Hard to believe. No, it wasn’t a car
dealership. However, they did sell used cars. They did have a parts storefront
too. Thanks to tourist dollars, which are in abundance in Florida, and that big
ad in the phone book, our phone never stopped ringing.
The person who you spoke with was Ed. Most convincing of all people I’ve
ever met, Ed. He was the service writer and could talk a duck out of his feathers.
Ed came on ever so gentle and mild, drawing in his prey with sickening sweetness.
You’d never think he was capable of anything but your best interests. Then he
would pounce on you, turning into a pirate. Once he got a hold of your car, man
you were toast. He was so excellent at making up and creating so many wild
scenarios. Non-existent problems. Once he got your car in the shop, your wallet
would simply empty right out.
And of course you never came back after experiencing Ed turning from Mr.
Nice Guy to Jose Gaspar, the pirate! It was an amazing sight to see. After the
customer saw the bill, then had a moment to pick herself up off the floor, the
screaming would begin.
Ed’s mild mannered face would turn into a Jose Gaspar, and he’d go into
his scary routine. Systematically, he’d attack and belittle the customer for their
negligence. He’d blame them for the way they treated their car. He’d harp on and
on about how bad it was before we fixed it.
It was absolutely amazing how a clunk on bumps complaint could turn that
money crank! By the time he finished with you, you got all four shocks, both motor
and transmission mounts, a couple of ball joints, maybe both upper and lower ball
joints if he figured he could get away with it, and some custom exhaust work to
boot. Oh, including a complete set of exhaust hangers. Whew! He was brutal. And
if you came in with a starting problem, you always got a starter. Maybe injectors
or a carburetor, too. Not to mention the usual cap rotor, plugs, wires, and ignition
coil. And maybe throw in a sensor or two.
But, the Ed story is unusual. Interesting, but unusual. As I have said
again and again, almost all mechanics and repair shops are honest. The National
Attorneys General study showed that the whole problem of rip-off auto repairs
really stems from problems with communication. No Duh.
I just saw a statistic that said something about how mechanics spend
eighty percent of their time trying to figure out what’s wrong. The rest of
it is easy, with only 20% of the time needed doing the fix. Wow. Four-fifths
guesswork. One-fifth fixing. Pretty scary, huh? Roger that. I mean, it’s gotten
so complicated that even a genius can’t figure it out anymore.
They’ve got dealer service bulletins, independent service bulletins,
dealer tech hotlines, independent tech hotlines, and of course, call-in radio
shows. And still, people can’t get their cars fixed right the first time! And
why not? Well, according to that Attorneys General study, the whole problem is
communication. Right. Like the guy knows the service advisor is telling him the
straight story when he says he needs shocks?
So, does the mechanic mean to rip off the customer most of the time? No.
Usually the customer rips himself off by not communicating his problem. The rest
of the unsuccessful and knowing people with problem repairs can be chalked up to
a bad diagnosis. And the bad diagnosis resulted in an unnecessary repair. The
unsuccessful as in unsuccessful repair and the knowing. The owner clearly sees
that the problem is still there.
Then there’s poor preventative maintenance habits. And since lack of
maintenance doesn’t fall into one of the four categories, we’re not gonna’ go
there. To put a wrap on my lecturing, I want to share with you one of my favorite
rip-off tales. A story that falls in the category of the unsuccessful and
knowing. Over the years I’ve been told this story by many different techs, as
well as shop owners and other auto industry personnel. Here’s it is, with a few
embellishments of my own:
I hate my job. I am an assembly line worker at an automotive plant in
Michigan. I build cars. Boring. Same thing hour after hour, day after day. Yeah,
sure the pay is great. Yeah, sure the Union benefits are terrific. Yeah, sure.
Dull. Yawn. Snore. ZZZzzzzzz. Someone wake me up when it’s quitting time. I’ll do
ANYTHING to fight this boredom!
Hey, I know what. I’ll play a practical joke on someone. I’ll think of a
real good one to pull. A real whopper. A real wing-dinger. One that will drive you
nuts-o, daddy-o. It’ll be a real zinger. Not an easy one. No. A hum-dinger. A
mind blower. Now lets see.
Okay, I’ve got it. I’ll make a time capsule. Put a message inside and seal
it up r-e-a-l good. Seal it up in a nice piece of metal pipe, a nice little pipe
with my note inside. And I’ll leave it behind for someone to find. Someone far away,
far, far from today. Someone in the future. A message for someone to find real
far off in the future.
I’ll just drop this nice time capsule in side of this body panel, and
leave it for someone to find way off in the future. And it’ll rattle around in
all its glory, clanking and clunking its way through the day, until finally
someone discovers it’s there. Until someone cuts open this welded shut body
panel and finds my capsule inside. He he, he he!
Noise? What noise? has been the routine for so many years. Dozens of
techs have been assigned the job of finding the evasive Ssshhhh clunk noise.
Hundreds of dollars spent, with nothing but the same old sad report, No problem
found. Of course, the owners had to pay the diagnostic fee, along with environmental
surcharges and shop fees. And the noise persisted.
Eventually, someone does find it. But not until the first owner of the
car gives up trying to get his clunk on stops problem fixed. He trades it in.
The next owner fights like hell with the dealership that sold it to him, claiming
he got stuck with a lemon. And the car passes through a couple of other owners'
hands until a savy repair tech uses a high-tech listening device to track down
the location of the noise.
Inside a body panel. Something loose inside this panel. He cuts open the
body panel to find out what’s loose inside, and retrieves the time capsule. Fishing
it out with his long-skinny grabber tool, he retrieves the metal capsule. And
when he unscrews the cap and looks inside, he finds the note left by the unhappy
practical joker factory worker so many years ago. Unrolling the scrolled-up
piece of paper he reads.......
Editors note: This shhtt..clunk! story has been around for decades, and has
become an urban legend for auto mechanics. The kind of car is usually a Cadillac.
The time capsule has been anything from a metal film can, prescription bottle,
and pipe. The location has been inside the frame, body, and kick panels. The sound
it makes is always the same: An intermittent clunk that’s accompanied by a hissing
sound, but happening only when braking, sometimes. The owner reports hearing it come
from under the seat, inside the door, in the dash, and the trunk.
The lessons to be learned from this Mechanic’s Nightmare are:
· Always expect the unexpected.
· Do whatever is necessary to be a witness of the problem.
· Make it happen, then record the circumstances involved.
· Look for connections (or clues) between the circumstances involved when it happens and the actual problem occurrence.
· Beware that the problem you’re dealing with may have been built into the vehicle right from the factory.
